There's more to life than surfing

I used to believe that. That statement is a large part of why I live in New York. After I gave up trying to be a pro-surfer, after I gave up trying to conceal myself within the surf industry, after I allowed myself to grow as a human being, I felt like I had to let something go, to shed a skin, molt, in order to fit new things in. Surfing was my life--exclusively--until I was 15, when I made room in my schedule for hardcore bands. Even then though, surfing drove my decisions, it controlled me. As I got older and the world didn't end up being as wonderful as I hoped it would be, I resented surfing for not preparing me for the real world. I blamed it for me not having healthy relationships, for me not having a true high school experience, for me not writing novels when I was fresh out of high school, before all the cynicism left me paralyzed and desperate.

I posted something a few weeks ago about leaving nothing behind, about burning everything in your tracks, leaving no trace. Surfing was one of the things that I burned. I have not allowed myself to honestly enjoy surfing like I did when I was 17 for a long time now, and I want to. I want to go surfing and not carry any of the egotistical, competitive baggage with me.

Pete and I surfed the other day at Rockaway. Elle st on the beach and watched, even came out and took one in on her belly fr a bit. Even playing around in the Rockaway slop, Pete surfing in cut-off jeans, our backs pasty and covered with a layer of winter-skin, it still felt like we were trying to prove something. I knew that Pete and I were by far the best surfers in the water. We usually are. That's something the 18 year-old Pete adn Ashton hoped for, something we strove to be. But, it doesn't make Pete or I happy anymore. Pete talked about how when he surfs with our friends from NY, who don't surf as well as us but who enjoy surfing so much that it is contagious and pleasant to be around--they are like grommets, but thirty-years old and have wives or kids, etc.--because he feels weird surfing aggressively when they are around, like it will kill their enthusiasm.

I ate this for lunch/breakfast. It was good.


Anyhow, what I am getting at is this:
I want to have fun when i paddle out again. And I plan on doing it more often.

Elle and I have discussed our plans for December, after I graduate. We still don't know what to do, but there is talk of going somewhere I can surf more often. There's also talk of China. And New Zealand. And Australia. There's talk.

I always dreamed of being with someone who at the very least considered my ridiculous idealism(sustainable NZ ranch with dozens of dogs, Nova Scotia cottage, Australian point surf via Vespa's, European stays, houseboats, sailboats, etc.). To be with someone who actually suggests ridiculous ideas like Elle does is quite wonderful.

And, you should see how good looking she is in a helmet on her bike. Hot damn!